Understand God will

I am long to spend my life doing something that is truly worthwhile, something that is truly matters, something that makes a difference for them and for others.

 

I know I need to:

1.)    Make some changes in personal life and work life.

2.)    Significance comes when I find a way of giving myself to God!

3.)    It takes a lot of courage to commit myself to loving my life for God's purposes and plans rather than my own desires and will.

 

"My power and the strength of my hands have produced this wealth for me". But remember the LORD your God, for it is he who gives you the ability to produce wealth, and so confirms his covenant, which he swore to your forefathers, as it is today' .

 

Deuteronomy 8:17-18

 

Godly success often does not require you to do different things; rather, it requires you to do things differently.

Church- brought into a living relationship with God in Christ, and then the work of the congregation is birthed to support, encourage, enliven, empower and fuel the lives of the believers. God has one church- varying tasks, variety of expressions, multiple locations and some specializations that need to have space and encouragement to develop in order for God's kingdom to be established everywhere.

Metamorphosis

我很旧没有用keyboard整理自己的思绪了， 在网路空间里留言。这个新年，回忆了很多以前的画面，却没有多少想念的感觉。仿佛觉的自己没有人情味，还是生活担子太重了，感官都被压缩到低点？农历新年，红包美肴一点都不吸引我，我在无奈的耕耘功课。 我拟定了很多计划及祷告的事项，我想我误会了自己是超人，一个人能做很多事。

在家我仿佛觉的上帝离我很远，虽然其实他是在我身边。在家我仿佛觉的时间是很便宜，我奢侈的花呀花，没有节制。不是懒惰抹杀我的动力，乃是低落，一种话语不能形容的负面磁场，把我积极活力全都粉碎，让我觉得自己颓废。

就在这个时候，上帝的灵揭示我心中苦毒的原因。检讨自己的生活圈子，发觉自己是个没有勇气相信人的人，该是害怕会被他人伤害吧，所以都爱把问题先扛在自己的肩旁，把自己搞忙，自责无法原谅自己，因此增添压力，自己伤害自己。 今早回槟城的途中，上帝已动工刚强我心，仿佛叫我勇敢的去面对一些挑战，然后车子就抛锚了。因为心中有预知的感觉，问题来时，没有太大的打击，只好迎接。上帝的真实提示，让我渴慕他的怀抱，我一到教会就在赞美敬拜中痛哭，求神释放我心中“不信任，孤行的态度” 的问题。

上帝无时无刻都在我身边改变我的生命，引领我到某种领域去感受一些事情，然后做某种决定。蜕变的过程其实是痛的，我想逃避多过于面对现实，但后来我还是硬着头皮回到岗位去。我把手放在自己胸口上，祷告心志要坚强。。

上帝用两个字去让我愿意领受蜕变- 那就是梦想。你有梦吗？那你就要愿意承受这个蜕变的痛。

Judge the secrets of men

Roman:2:16
In the day when God will judge the secrets of men, according to my Good News, by Jesus Christ.

I was so impressed by the word of "secrets of men" here.
The secret I interest the most now:
Why human use to be extremist, grab the meaning of absolute to his or her belief/judgement and despise others?

Salvation emphasize Sins forgiving.
God forgive our Sins, what a wonderful grace we have.
With love, will able an intention to understand the wrong doer's human sinful natural, reasons and pains. Thus, Judge the secrets of men with LOVE, and you will know how to forgive.

Corinthians chapter 13:5
LOVE.....is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.

No other law can bigger than the love of forgiving.

小敏说：“耶华公公会保护我的！”

上一节的故事说到喜欢活在梦中的小敏，耶华公公却催使小敏回到现实中脚踏实地的努力， 不要逃避。

这一节故事也是重新强调小敏的本性，是如此不愿意接受现实， 常常把自己的梦想点缀到如仙境，遥远不实际。

小敏喜欢小孩子， 果真如今的日子活在充满小孩子的国度。小孩子短暂的专心能力也反射了小敏短暂的集中能力于当中该做的事情。可怜的是小敏渴慕生活的美感，拒绝生活的苦难，才会不断的不断的发梦。

难道耶华公公不知道这是人类的自我保护的本性吗？耶华公公其实是爱小敏的才会不断把小敏处在逆境中挣扎，好让她可以了解人生的无奈时，该依靠的是谁。

小敏很不愿意，不愿意长大！她不想看到身边的小朋友以年纪应有应做的事，她却吊儿郎当，到处流浪， 落在榜后。就把小敏当是残缺人物吧！ 小敏会因为这个不平凡而微笑的过活。反正小敏就是因为不完整才会特出台中，诉说耶华公公的故事。残缺其实是祝福。

问题是小敏仿佛意识太多，也掩饰太多。世上只有信心十足的人才能活出完全真正的自己。信心有两个方向： 自信和相信。小敏两者都不足，掩饰唯有选择。但可爱的是，耶华公公有个能力让小敏真心对人，不求回报。连小敏也不明白为何耶华公公要让小敏这样笨蛋， 看来很糊涂的样子。爸爸妈妈说小敏如果太善良会蹉跎人生，遭人摆弄没出色，小敏呀小敏， 你怎么看呢？

小敏说：“耶华公公会保护我的！”

好难懂的小敏！

一年的期待实在充实，放弃去争取反而是空虚，因为没有确实的终点。

人偶尔会太多的期望，偶尔会彷徨，我随着岁月的流逝，学习体验多事时，思想不再是容易放空时，却是神要挑战我自我放空的时候， 以便我能完全对神信心， 而非用人类的智慧去努力的追求。

难道神一切的承诺都过去吗？我该如何调整我的心情在次聆听到神的指示？难道我持有错误的意念，圣灵在过程调整我，把我放在逆境中挣扎？

我咬紧牙根忍耐一切的痛，我生活即使困在逆境，该拥有的 都离去， 一切发生都与神的承诺反面， 但我告诉自己，是时候期待神的大能， 时间是神的掌控，不由我的定论。

真的， 我想有个生命的突破。 我想到新的地方呼吸， 激发我新的思想。但是重担实在太多了：我的学业，我的债务， 我的爸妈，我主里的弟妹， 我都不可能会舍得放下。

外面的世界是如何的呢? 爱着马来西亚却是远走高飞？神呀！ 我觉得我越来越与世界脱节， 我真的很期待扩展我的视野，我的创新能力。

我要像空中的鸟，飞翔自由自在。我要用着我的双手，写出爱的故事。曾经听到日本，却后来听到英国，到底是什么样的一会事？真的是完全是自我的意思？

甚至我要忘了我是女生，那飘着长发 难以洗后干透，那穿着裙子要温柔体面。甚至我要放弃去成为一个公主王后，独自儿去编写台词演艺我的故事。

说实，我是自怜的。如果可以，我不愿意我有不平凡，不实际的梦想。很可惜， 如果你考察我的基因，我是世界认为的苦命儿。却一点都不可惜是， 我不是属世界的。但， 我会拥有世界羡慕的幸福吗？ 我相信，我会踏实的实现， 却是神的大能中超越。

人呀人, 真的很丑恶, 很软弱无能

主呀,
我为何最近没有元气? 做事,没有积极用心,没有激情活力?
我的问题在那里?
性格依然不能顺服, 自以为是?
思想活跃却无法身体力行,思绪超越理智?
心理的空洞产生了错误的人生欲望及导向?
自私的把气愤划为错误放在人的身上好让自己好过?

主呀,
如果可以选择, 我想做人简单多好!
简单的顺服,简单的思考,
维持浩然正气,身体力行的做好自己.
因为忧郁犹豫, 太多的思考, 只会让自己精疲力尽.
就承认自己的软弱, 谦备的求助于上帝与朋友吧!
用着自己的努力去维护, 只会导致心理封闭,厌恨和骄傲,
这又何为呢?
疲倦, 厌恨, 封闭, 自以为是一点都不好过…
意识什么是错与对的时候, 却无能为力克服,
就如在水里面挣扎空气那样般痛苦.
上帝, 您是怜悯的上帝!
人呀人, 真的很丑恶, 很软弱无能.
求你的恩典释放我们人类. 阿们.

葡萄成熟時

I found this Hong Kong Chinese Song in my folder. 葡萄成熟時, Eason 陳奕迅.The lyric appears meaningful to me when I relook into it. It is interesting while I relate it to my lover.

問到何時葡萄先熟透, 你要靜候 再靜候, 就算失收 始終要守
This as when I question when is the timing the grapes are mellow and can be harvest to brew wine. I have to learn to wait patiently with faith, even there is risk of lost harvesting to me but still I have to keep watching for with all my might.
These verses mean to me while I am on the way to be made matured in Christ. I have a fear in me that If one day I fall because my pride or sloth, or one day my strength is exhausted with not remain in the vine of Jesus, like a branch of Him who dries up, with no more bear fruits, (JOHN chapter 15:5-8). I am not sure how long I can remain to make the grapes mellow to brew wine. As the bible tells us so, not all the branches can bear fruits, there are some will dried up and will be gathered up and thrown into the fire at the end of the day.

日後 盡量別教今天的淚白流, 留低擊傷你的石頭 從錯誤里吸收, 也許 豐收月份尚未到你也得接受
Ya, the verse is right. What I can do is the efforts that I can put myself to remain in Him by remain His words in me. I have to do my best to make my tears & sweats to flow significantly as on the way in planting the grapes and waiting for mellow; take the lesson of failures in mind as the impact of pain that I feel when the stone hit my head; and this way will make harvest of my grapes even at time that is not harvesting season.

或者要到你將愛釀成醇酒, 時機先至熟透
Or I have to use love to brew the wine, and so the maturity of my grapes will comes. The heart of love is the ingredient of maturity. Brewing wine with love will make maturity of my mind, in harvesting my faith and patience.

想想天的一邊 亦有個某某在等候, 一心只等葡萄熟透 嘗杯酒
Ya, God is waiting us at a corner in this universal, is waiting to taste the grape wine of us.

別讓寂寞害你傷得一夜白頭, 仍得不需要的自由 和最耀眼傷口, 我知日後路上或沒有更美的邂逅
Don’t make loneliness hurts us. There is some worldly freedom and dazzle wound that actually we find needless. We are looking for neurotic freedom from fears and emptiness while we are expecting there would be no good life of encounter in future. There would be dead scar in us while we have no hope, pessimistic of our future life. Only God’s grace can overcome the powerful surge of emptiness and solitude in us. We will find hope & rest in Him.

但當你智慧都蘊釀成紅酒, 仍可一醉自救, 誰都心酸過 那個沒有
Ya, when the time your wisdom is used to brew the wine, you can save yourself while make all your previous pains and disappointments unconscious with this alcohol. This alcohol is not temporary effects, but is medicine that forever eases your pains.