A dream of me

Recalling a dream of me in four years ago about my grandma came and told me that she knew that I accepted Christ. She was sitting on the sofa in living room, gracefully said: “knowing that you believed in Jesus.”

I responded, “yes mama, this is because of a book, a neology theory telling how to heal depression. I was deep depressed and lost once...”, I was trying to explain to her with logical scientific reasons, as worried that she was not happy with my decision. My grandma is a buddhist. I used to follow her teaching and learned with her the theory of Buddhism since I was kid. I expected she was happy with my enthusiasm in learning philosophy of Buddhism, thus fears in me when she knew that I follow Christ. I worried my decision will disappoint her will.

This dream happened not long ago after my grandma passed away. At the same day my dad dreamed of grandma too, he saw grandma was standing at the bedroom door site and looking at him. So, we concluded that grandma’soul backed to visit us that night at that time. X_X

While writing this blog, I am trying to recall the face and response of my grandma that appeared in the dream. I recall nothing, the dream seems had been stop there. She was not looked angry and she was not asking me why I follow Jesus Christ actually as I remembered. After few years as now today, I understand that the dream actually is reflecting my fear on my grandma if she was not happy on me to be Christian at that time. Because of my low faith, because of my family’s rejection to me to evangelize my grandma when she was sick, I became fearful and fearful, doubtful and doubtful at that moment.

Praise the Lord that I able to overcome the fear and doubt today. I am not fear anymore if grandma appear in dream to ask me the same question again. I am so proudly of my decision! I believe she knew that. I pray that my mum will realize her wrong theory one day soon. Her theory: “People character is determined since three years old, and will till eighty years old will not change.”(三岁定八十). I believe, my family will understand the power of God soon, the power of Him to transform our character, our life our fate . God, please make this day happen soon. Amen.